I know that many people associate certain conditions with their happiness (or unhappiness). Happiness from the outside, though, is short-lived — for example, until the conditions change.
You may define "happiness" in any way you want, but the happiness I want to speak about is the kind that comes from the inside. I mean happiness that tells you that you are free, peaceful, perfect as you are. It is peace of mind. It is happiness without demands on others.
In a true state of happiness, there is no guilt or shame or jealousy or self-doubt, or any other negative feelings, thoughts, or emotions. Surely, it’s important to experience and recognize negative emotions … to feel them fully and then respond appropriately. I feel negative emotions fully takes a matter of seconds or minutes, by the way, when you are generally in a state of happiness.
If it takes you many hours or even days to overcome negative emotions about a situation, you are in a state of non-happiness or false happiness. Some people ACT happy, when they really are not. Acting happy can be helpful when dealing with others, from time to time, and it can also be helpful to you when pretending makes true happiness a little more accessible. But it’s important that you not fool yourself into believing that the facade is a state of happiness.
Happiness in 2012
In this remarkable year 2012, you might have powerful goals and dreames. The goals and dreams you envision may or may not facilitate your happiness when you achieve them. However, if you are happy right now in the midst of your unfulfilled goals/dreams, you will also be happy when you achieve them.
Life is in the journey, not the destination, as you know. And the journey needs to be energized by happiness and love, so that each destination is a celebration and not a disappointment.
The Right Kind of Loser
Do you resent being called a loser? If so, reframe that immediately. Set your sights on losing negative emotions and anything else that holds you in a state of unhappiness. Or perhaps you find yourself in a state of boredom or disinterest. Call the lack-of-happiness state whatever you want. Lose that! Lose the boredom and you can more easily feel the vibration of happiness. Happiness is a distinct vibration, with a range of frequencies.
Your happiness is already inside you. You don’t have to find it. You can’t change someone else to get to your happiness. You don’t need to do anything at all outside yourself. Certainly it is inspiring to be with others and to learn and to be in motion. Anything you do can facilitate your happiness. But to be happy is an inside job.
Release or let go of (other ways to talk about losing) any of the clouds that are in your energy field. Notice when you have negative thoughts, which can take many forms: complaining, criticizing, doubting, and so many other examples. Notice, and let them go. Turn off (lose) the television, as it is designed to dampen your Spirit and numb your intellect.
When you lose the negative stuff, what is left? Yup, happiness. In addition to happiness, love and freedom and playfulness are more accessible.
Decide to be Happy
So, I end this with a challenge. Make the decision to be happy. The decision takes only a few seconds, yet if it is a powerful enough decision, it will assist you in making many, many other decisions.
A strong decision to be happy will alert you to notice immediately when you are in a state of non-happiness. As soon as you notice, shift your attention to a happy thought or put a smile on your face or get up and take a walk. Almost any action can begin the shift of your energy so that you can have greater access to the state of happiness in which I am challenging you to decide to live.
As you establish new happiness patterns, you will live more frequently in this magnificent state. Yes, you will forget at times. Yes, your attention will be drawn by challenges or negativity. Notice, and turn your back, recommitting to your decision to live in a state of happiness. You cannot be happy by giving your attention to unhappy ideas.
Your happiness patterns will get stronger, building your confidence. You will step into your own power, and stay there longer. You will love life more fully. Decide now to make future decisions from inside your state of inner happiness. In other words, move to a state of happiness before you make any major decisions.
What decision do you want to make today about your relationship to happiness?
I remember years ago I worked with a corporate client who asked me, "What are you, the happiness coach?"
It was not intended as a compliment. In fact, it was quite pejorative.
I didn’t flinch. I knew where she was coming from. She hadn’t done much laughing. She saw everything as a problem to be solved. She was unhappy, but her unhappiness was so familiar to her that she did not relate to herself as unhappy.
I believe she thought of herself as "normal" in her perception of happiness and that she considered it was unnecessary or detrimental in the workplace.
What Do You Want?
There’s an approach I use with many clients when I work with them one-on-one. In groups or in writing, the process is far more awkward, because the process is more effective when that is interaction. Some people arrive at the "happiness" answer with two questions; others require several questions to move through multiple layers.
Before I share the process with you, I want to disclose what I have concluded after using some variation of this process over many years with many individuals: Underneath (and yes, also permeating) every desire is the desire for happiness. The word may be different, but the energy is the same. It is an energy that feels good.
Here’s the Process with questions phrased so that you ask them to yourself. If you are familiar with my voice, you can imagine I am asking you the questions:
(1) Ask yourself one of the following questions: "What do I want?" Or, "What do I want to experience?" Or,"What do I want to manifest?" Or, some other similar question.
(2) Listen to your answer and accept it. It is the perfect answer.
(3) If the answer is anything other than a positive feeling, keep asking some variation on the (1) questions until you genuinely get to a good-feeling answer. You might considered adding the word "really" before the word "want" to more easily get you to the next layer.
When someone who can read energy is asking you the questions, you and the other person will both know when you have arrived at the level of consciousness that resonates with your deep desire to be happy or fulfilled or satisfied.
What Do You Want to Feel?
As a result of working with questions like the above, I often quicken the process and ask "What do you want to feel?" Not everyone can go right to a feeling response if I ask too soon, but it is powerful when someone can.
Some people who are in certain situations respond to questions about "What do you want?" with "I want him/her to change or to _____ (do a particular thing).
Sometimes it is necessary to move through a myriad of layers to get to the feeling. Other times, it is better to circumvent the victim or blame consciousness by isolating the feeling as soon as possible
I consider "whatever it takes" is worth doing to move through the layers to touch the feeling that feels good to you. And then to live in that feeling and related feelings as often as you can throughout each day.
It is simple. However, as with the client I mentioned above, many people have become so familiar with feeling less-than-good that they are desensitized to their range of feelings.
What is Feeling Good?
Being Happy. Feeling Pleased. Being Satisfied. Feeling Fulfilled. Being Joyous. Feeling Free. Being in Love with Life. Eager and Ready. Smiling. Laughing. Knowing Magnificence.
Jeanie Marshall is a Personal Development Consultant and Coach
and a Certified QEC Practitioner
Call her at 310-392-1987 for an Private Consultation
Personal Consulting and Coaching
Most of the people I know want to be helpful to others — at home, at work, in the community. I think that most intelligent people have a natural inclination to help others, regardless of their own resources or needs. The instinct rarely is about things; it’s usually about caring.
This "To Help or Not to Help" topic comes up a lot in my work with clients. It also comes into conversations with friends. And on my radio shows and teleseminars.
My first "Ask Jeanie" Radio Show episode was called "Help for the Helper-Manager." This show responded to Donna’s question, "How can I get out of this habit of helping everyone else so that I end up working so many extra hours?" I provided a variety of empowering practices for her.
Years ago a friend of mine told me that when she grew up, her father gave her money whenever she asked for it. A little here and a little there. She had no allowance that she had to learn to manage, instead, she asked Daddy. To this day, she doesn’t know how to manage money, nor do her children, and they live most of the time in poverty consciousness.
Recently a client was telling me about problems with his son, who is an intelligent man, now in his 40′s. This son, like my friend, learned early to go to Daddy whenever he had a financial need. My client was expressing disappointment in himself (NOT his son) for the situation because he felt that he had weakened his son.
It’s not my role to pass judgment. I observe. I encourage greater awareness. I don’t know all the answers, but I love to ask empowering questions to prompt deeper thinking.
I know, for sure, that not all actions that are considered "help" or "helpful" really are. Usually when you help someone you are saying, in effect, "I’m helping you with this because I believe you cannot do this for yourself." You may be correct, or not.
If a young child is learning to ride a bicycle, help is appropriate. But at later ages, if you are still holding the bike for an able-bodied adult, something is amiss with the picture.
It is a joy when a young child learns something and exclaims, "Wow, I did it all by myself!" To repeatedly take this thrill from a child can have consequences when the child is no longer a child.
There are so many sides to the helping equation. To not ask for help when you need it can be debilitating — or it can tap a depth inside yourself that you might not have known otherwise.
To refuse to help when asked can leave either or both parties feeling empowered — or it can leave either or both feeling disempowered. It depends. It depends on a lot of variables.
No matter the circumstances or what side of the equation you are on, the key is to feel good. To help someone can feel exceedingly satisfying. To be helped can feel exceedingly satisfying.
The answer to the following question needs to supply the most compelling piece of the puzzle: "How do I feel?"
If you feel good, do it. If you feel not-good, do not do it. If you feel good and then you don’t feel good as time passes, you’ll have another time to check your feelings and your actions.
Keep asking, "How do I feel?" Listen for your answer, and you will know when help is helpful.
Helping is a process, not a single, isolated event.
I wrote a book years ago in which I said, "Everything is energy." One of my peer reviewers reacted very negatively. In discussing the subject with him, I got more clear than ever that "everything is energy"! While I did not convince him (I didn’t try), the clarity that came to me during and following our discussion has served me well over the years.
Yes, everything is energy and each person, place, thing, and idea has an energy field. This energy field is readable and discernible. Each particle in the universe has a vibration, and it is this vibration that connects or does not connect with other particles.
Everyone has a unique way of reading energy. Many people don’t relate to the idea of "reading" energy. As with reading words in the book, you must open the book and understand the markings on the pages. I have found that there is a language of energy. And, as in our other languages, a dictionary can be helpful, but each individual also has a unique set of vocabulary words and interpretation of the words and meaning. Being mindful is the key.
I find it’s helpful to expand on this dynamic of "reading the energy field" by explaining some of the methods people use to read energy. I call these "noticing mechanisms" and place them into four categories:
You’re already familiar with all of these, so I’ll only touch the surface here. Perhaps in a later article, I will expand on these, as I have done in multiple personal development programs.
Your Five Physical Senses are sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. These physical senses are commonly accepted as ways of taking in information or of relating to the physical world. However, there are parallel ways of knowing in the non-physical world, such as inner sight, and hearing internal messages, and smelling when something seems amiss.
Your Sense of Balance is also primarily a physical sense. However, I keep it separate because "the sixth sense" has a generally accepted different meaning. Your five physical senses or some combination of them are involved in your awareness of balance, as are the other noticing mechanisms.
Your Intuition or Inner Knowingness is your inner wisdom. It can come to you with visions, sounds, a bubbling up from inside you, a tap on your shoulder, or knowingness without words. It’s a powerful way of noticing energy. Everyone has it. Some people are aware of it and some are not.
Your Full Range of Emotions and Other Feelings are among the most misunderstood of all these ways of noticing. When you know your feelings, you know more about where you are and where you are going than any other indicator can tell you. Both positive and negative feelings provide powerful information about the energy field.
Aligning and fine-tuning your noticing mechanisms makes reading or discerning energy more accurate and comfortable. They help you to be more mindful of the information all around you.
Everything is energy. Everything.
© 2012 Jeanie Marshall. All rights reserved.
The book I wrote referred to in this article is
Energetic Meetings: Enhancing Personal & Group Energy & Handling Difficult Behavior
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