What’s your Negative Self Talk?

Usually I focus on positive self talk. Every once in a while it’s helpful to bring to conscious awareness the negative talk that might be sabotaging you.

What do you say to yourself that is negative that keeps you from manifesting what you want in your life? Do you know the words? Do you know how often you say the words to yourself? Do you say them out loud to others?

One of the things I love to do is to help people to transform their language from negative to positive. Of course, the thoughts behind the words need to be changed, as well, but sometimes the language itself is like a key to unlock those negative unconscious thoughts and bring them into conscious awareness. And, once unlocked, the thoughts can more easily be transformed.

To identify your statements of negative self talk, focus in on any subject, but here are a few suggestions to prime the pump.

Health: Do you talk to yourself or others about an illness or affliction you have? For example, "I’m tired of being sick." Or, "My knee is still hurting me."

Money: Do you have disempowering thoughts and chatter about money? For example, "We can’t afford that." Or, "I don’t have enough money." Or, "This economy is really getting me down."

Career: Do you get into conversations with yourself or others about your job or career? For example, "I don’t feel confident in my job." Or, "I don’t seem to be getting anywhere in my career."

And, on and on. You know what a negative statement is, especially when you hear others say one. When you’re paying attention, you hear it in yourself, also. However, sometimes when the statement is yours, you may find that it has become so familiar that you believe the words are the truth. You may even be able to "prove" they are true.

Those negative statements can be an avenue to making a simple change that set you on the path to creating what you want in your life.

I invite you to read and follow the process in a Self Development Technique called Self Empowerment by Transforming a Phrase.

Basic Operating Question (BOQ) for Empowerment

Years ago when I trained managers and trainers, I liked to be playful with each group. The company I was working with one day had a culture that was closest to Acronym Heaven than I had ever before or since experienced. So, I wrote on the flip chart in large letters: B O Q.

“Today we’re going to learn about the BOQ,” I said, pronouncing it Bock. My demeanor suggested they already knew — or should know — what the letters stood for, just the way that most acronyms are stated. Came a flurry of activity as they wrote the letters, trying to jog their collective memories of the words that B, O, and Q might possibly represent.

I did not leave them long in this state of mild confusion. They knew me well enough to know that I liked to play. They rose to the occasion and expressed their relief in laughter as I said, pointing letter by letter: Basic Operating Question.

One way of thinking of the Basic Operating Question is to consider it your “default” question. It is the question you think of first when you are facing a certain type of situation. In some situations, you might be well aware of your BOQ, but in others you may not. Questions guide you all day long, and some are more empowering than others.

For example, when the phone rings, you are likely to wonder who is calling and may formulate the question “Who’s that?” or just think, "I wonder who that is." While it’s customary to answer out loud with your name or with "hello," still you will be silently questioning who it is until you know.

If you have a tense relationship with your boss who motions you to his or her office, your BOQ might be “What have I done wrong now?” If your relationship is cordial, perhaps your question is "What can I do for you?"

You walk into a room with others present and your BOQ in your thoughts might be “What’s going on here?” If you have arrived late to a meeting, your default question might be "What have I missed?" Often, others will answer your questions even if you have not verbalized them because they are predominant in your thoughts, and so you are projecting them.

A BOQ can be positive, negative, or neutral. It can be empowering or disempowering. It can be easy to answer or not. It can be verbalized out loud or only thought about. It can be a neat sentence or a disjointed thought or a crisp, clear question. The Basic Operating Question itself, as well as its quality and resonance, guide the quality and resonance of the answer.

The purpose of identifying your Basic Operating Questions is to discover if they are helpful and empowering. And, if not, to craft more helpful and empowering ones. A long-time habit of asking a particular Basic Operating Question will not necessarily be instantly changed just because of discovering one that you consider better, but that is a good starting place. After identifying one or more of these, it is important to practice your new, empowering Basic Operating Questions as often as possible.

I invite you to read Ask Questions that are Empowering, an article that gives you additional information on empowering questions.

What’s your BOQ in each of the common situations you regularly face in your life? For example, when you get up in the morning, when you get to your place of work, when the phone rings, when you see coworkers, when you go to a meeting, when you get into your car, when you go to sleep at night?

Once you have identified the situations that are most important to you, note the default question, and adjust it if it needs to be more empowering. Now, practice, practice, practice.

How Do You Know When to Trust?

Trust is such an elusive concept. Sometimes it is ineffable, other times drippy with sweetness. In its absence, doubt or worry can overtake you.

Many years ago, I became fascinated with the different ways that people relate to trust. The very words "you can trust me" have considerably different meaning with each unique situation. Said when there is no trust often pushes trust away, yet said when there’s just enough trust can deepen a bond. And when there is deeply-felt trust, no words are needed.

I’ve noticed how building trust in a new relationship is so very different from re-building trust in a relationship where one or both have experienced broken trust. The inner radar notices — sometimes misinterpreting — certain signals in these different situations.

I’ve noticed that some degree of trust is part of all aspects of life, ranging from high trust to distrust/mistrust.

Sometimes we just have to trust trust.

What Does Trust Mean to You?

What about you? What are the dynamics of trust for you? I’m really interested in knowing. You can add a comment to this blog article below if you want to share specific ideas about trust and what it means to you.

Getting Started in the Starting Spot

Often people ask me, “Jeanie, how did you get started?” My mind surveys my memory bank to land on the best place to start the story on the subject at hand, in the way that I think the person is asking and in a way that adds value to the conversation. It is my intention to provide mindful information in all situations.

I know that responding to the question with another question is not a good strategy, even though such a question might lead me to a different story, so I rarely respond with, “at what?” or “started doing what?” or “what do you mean?” I also avoid responding with stories of my conception, birth, or the beginning of time, even those might also be a starting place for interesting conversation.

Instead, I land my attention on a story or idea that the person asking will find meaningful in our current relationship. It’s a starting spot to respond to the question about starting. It’s like having a new launching pad.

It’s difficult to determine where a thought began, but usually I can find a way to respond to the question so that the questioner is pleased to have asked and I am pleased to have answered. I do not feel compelled to provide the definitive answer, but rather to respond with the purpose of creating dialogue.

No matter how I respond to the initial question of “how did you get started?” I want my response to evoke engagement. If there is no engagement — whether the person’s eyes are glazed over or I’ve fully answered the question — the conversation is ended.

As I’ve been considering where to start on the very wide range of topics I expect to cover in this blog, I keep reflecting on vignettes that are foundational to my current views and practices. From time to time, I expect to share experiences from the past that illustrate an important change in me or in my practice as an personal development consultant.

To me, my journey in the present moment moving forward is primary; my journey from the past to the present is secondary. The reflection on the past is to provide a context that I hope is helpful to you or to me.

Are there any questions you want to ask me?

My Intention for Writing Mindful Information Blog

My Intention for Writing Mindful Information Blog

I begin all my projects with developing a Statement of Intention, so I want to begin this new blog by sharing with you my intention for writing it.

My intention is to use this medium to expand my own consciousness, inspiring both myself and readers to be more fulfilled and engaged in life. I will be expressing my perspective on a wide range of topics I address in my consulting work and other writings.

I love to write. Supposedly* Mark Twain said that there are two kinds of writers: those who like to write and those who like to have written. While I’m certainly pleased to have written many publications, it is the process of writing that inspires and fulfills me.

I often find myself clicking away at the keyboard and see ideas on the screen that I had not been aware of thinking about in advance. Other times, I find that so many ideas swirl in my head that the keyboard becomes a magnet for sorting and clarifying my thinking.

Throughout my work day, I speak with clients in consulting sessions that are filled with synergy. In each session, the dialog expands the consciousness of both of us. We create new ideas that neither of us had access to prior to the conversation. Gems are present and presents in this coming together. I want to create that same type of joint creation here on this blog.

I’ve found that when my readers engage with me about my writing, I learn much more about the meaning of my words. I love the engagement and synergy. I appreciate knowing others’ thoughts and perspectives, yet it is the deeper understanding I reach in my own words that compels me to invest my time in this writing. With input from others, I sometimes I change words to be more specific when I feel that others will understand better what I’ve said, yet other times I prefer to broaden the words so that each person can have his or her own interpretation.

While all comments are moderated due to the high amount of comment spam on blogs, if you write a worthwhile comment, it will be posted. If you are a spammer, your ip address will be noted and your message will be trashed before we see it.

I look forward to this adventure with you. May you be touched by Mindful Information.

*I say “supposedly” because someone told me a long time ago that Mark Twain said that; however, I have not been able to find such a quotation after extensive research. Do you know if he actually said this?