What’s your Negative Self Talk?

Usually I focus on positive self talk. Every once in a while it’s helpful to bring to conscious awareness the negative talk that might be sabotaging you.

What do you say to yourself that is negative that keeps you from manifesting what you want in your life? Do you know the words? Do you know how often you say the words to yourself? Do you say them out loud to others?

One of the things I love to do is to help people to transform their language from negative to positive. Of course, the thoughts behind the words need to be changed, as well, but sometimes the language itself is like a key to unlock those negative unconscious thoughts and bring them into conscious awareness. And, once unlocked, the thoughts can more easily be transformed.

To identify your statements of negative self talk, focus in on any subject, but here are a few suggestions to prime the pump.

Health: Do you talk to yourself or others about an illness or affliction you have? For example, "I’m tired of being sick." Or, "My knee is still hurting me."

Money: Do you have disempowering thoughts and chatter about money? For example, "We can’t afford that." Or, "I don’t have enough money." Or, "This economy is really getting me down."

Career: Do you get into conversations with yourself or others about your job or career? For example, "I don’t feel confident in my job." Or, "I don’t seem to be getting anywhere in my career."

And, on and on. You know what a negative statement is, especially when you hear others say one. When you’re paying attention, you hear it in yourself, also. However, sometimes when the statement is yours, you may find that it has become so familiar that you believe the words are the truth. You may even be able to "prove" they are true.

Those negative statements can be an avenue to making a simple change that set you on the path to creating what you want in your life.

I invite you to read and follow the process in a Self Development Technique called Self Empowerment by Transforming a Phrase.

Basic Operating Question (BOQ) for Empowerment

Years ago when I trained managers and trainers, I liked to be playful with each group. The company I was working with one day had a culture that was closest to Acronym Heaven than I had ever before or since experienced. So, I wrote on the flip chart in large letters: B O Q.

“Today we’re going to learn about the BOQ,” I said, pronouncing it Bock. My demeanor suggested they already knew — or should know — what the letters stood for, just the way that most acronyms are stated. Came a flurry of activity as they wrote the letters, trying to jog their collective memories of the words that B, O, and Q might possibly represent.

I did not leave them long in this state of mild confusion. They knew me well enough to know that I liked to play. They rose to the occasion and expressed their relief in laughter as I said, pointing letter by letter: Basic Operating Question.

One way of thinking of the Basic Operating Question is to consider it your “default” question. It is the question you think of first when you are facing a certain type of situation. In some situations, you might be well aware of your BOQ, but in others you may not. Questions guide you all day long, and some are more empowering than others.

For example, when the phone rings, you are likely to wonder who is calling and may formulate the question “Who’s that?” or just think, "I wonder who that is." While it’s customary to answer out loud with your name or with "hello," still you will be silently questioning who it is until you know.

If you have a tense relationship with your boss who motions you to his or her office, your BOQ might be “What have I done wrong now?” If your relationship is cordial, perhaps your question is "What can I do for you?"

You walk into a room with others present and your BOQ in your thoughts might be “What’s going on here?” If you have arrived late to a meeting, your default question might be "What have I missed?" Often, others will answer your questions even if you have not verbalized them because they are predominant in your thoughts, and so you are projecting them.

A BOQ can be positive, negative, or neutral. It can be empowering or disempowering. It can be easy to answer or not. It can be verbalized out loud or only thought about. It can be a neat sentence or a disjointed thought or a crisp, clear question. The Basic Operating Question itself, as well as its quality and resonance, guide the quality and resonance of the answer.

The purpose of identifying your Basic Operating Questions is to discover if they are helpful and empowering. And, if not, to craft more helpful and empowering ones. A long-time habit of asking a particular Basic Operating Question will not necessarily be instantly changed just because of discovering one that you consider better, but that is a good starting place. After identifying one or more of these, it is important to practice your new, empowering Basic Operating Questions as often as possible.

I invite you to read Ask Questions that are Empowering, an article that gives you additional information on empowering questions.

What’s your BOQ in each of the common situations you regularly face in your life? For example, when you get up in the morning, when you get to your place of work, when the phone rings, when you see coworkers, when you go to a meeting, when you get into your car, when you go to sleep at night?

Once you have identified the situations that are most important to you, note the default question, and adjust it if it needs to be more empowering. Now, practice, practice, practice.

Happiness from Inside

I know that many people associate certain conditions with their happiness (or unhappiness). Happiness from the outside, though, is short-lived — for example, until the conditions change.

You may define "happiness" in any way you want, but the happiness I want to speak about is the kind that comes from the inside. I mean happiness that tells you that you are free, peaceful, perfect as you are. It is peace of mind. It is happiness without demands on others.

In a true state of happiness, there is no guilt or shame or jealousy or self-doubt, or any other negative feelings, thoughts, or emotions. Surely, it’s important to experience and recognize negative emotions … to feel them fully and then respond appropriately. I feel negative emotions fully takes a matter of seconds or minutes, by the way, when you are generally in a state of happiness.

If it takes you many hours or even days to overcome negative emotions about a situation, you are in a state of non-happiness or false happiness. Some people ACT happy, when they really are not. Acting happy can be helpful when dealing with others, from time to time, and it can also be helpful to you when pretending makes true happiness a little more accessible. But it’s important that you not fool yourself into believing that the facade is a state of happiness.

Happiness in 2012

In this remarkable year 2012, you might have powerful goals and dreames. The goals and dreams you envision may or may not facilitate your happiness when you achieve them. However, if you are happy right now in the midst of your unfulfilled goals/dreams, you will also be happy when you achieve them.

Life is in the journey, not the destination, as you know. And the journey needs to be energized by happiness and love, so that each destination is a celebration and not a disappointment.

The Right Kind of Loser

Do you resent being called a loser? If so, reframe that immediately. Set your sights on losing negative emotions and anything else that holds you in a state of unhappiness. Or perhaps you find yourself in a state of boredom or disinterest. Call the lack-of-happiness state whatever you want. Lose that! Lose the boredom and you can more easily feel the vibration of happiness. Happiness is a distinct vibration, with a range of frequencies.

Your happiness is already inside you. You don’t have to find it. You can’t change someone else to get to your happiness. You don’t need to do anything at all outside yourself. Certainly it is inspiring to be with others and to learn and to be in motion. Anything you do can facilitate your happiness. But to be happy is an inside job.

Release or let go of (other ways to talk about losing) any of the clouds that are in your energy field. Notice when you have negative thoughts, which can take many forms: complaining, criticizing, doubting, and so many other examples. Notice, and let them go. Turn off (lose) the television, as it is designed to dampen your Spirit and numb your intellect.

When you lose the negative stuff, what is left? Yup, happiness. In addition to happiness, love and freedom and playfulness are more accessible.

Decide to be Happy

So, I end this with a challenge. Make the decision to be happy. The decision takes only a few seconds, yet if it is a powerful enough decision, it will assist you in making many, many other decisions.

A strong decision to be happy will alert you to notice immediately when you are in a state of non-happiness. As soon as you notice, shift your attention to a happy thought or put a smile on your face or get up and take a walk. Almost any action can begin the shift of your energy so that you can have greater access to the state of happiness in which I am challenging you to decide to live.

As you establish new happiness patterns, you will live more frequently in this magnificent state. Yes, you will forget at times. Yes, your attention will be drawn by challenges or negativity. Notice, and turn your back, recommitting to your decision to live in a state of happiness. You cannot be happy by giving your attention to unhappy ideas.

Your happiness patterns will get stronger, building your confidence. You will step into your own power, and stay there longer. You will love life more fully. Decide now to make future decisions from inside your state of inner happiness. In other words, move to a state of happiness before you make any major decisions.

What decision do you want to make today about your relationship to happiness?

Quick Energy Work Techniques and Practices

At this time on our wonderful planet, everything is quickening. For me, it is the quickening of consciousness that is my particular focus, because just moving faster without being grounded and conscious creates a lot of frenetic energy.

I love to help people to be quickly on the path they most want to walk. In an emergency, it’s great to have some quick methods that instantly clear stuff. However, people rarely learn anything when someone else snaps his or her fingers to make a change for them.

We all need to have techniques that we can practice regularly — ways that are quick and effective. Most uncomfortable situations we find ourselves in we have created (consciously or unconsciously) over time. To be truly empowered, we need to learn new practices to create what we want that are natural replacements for the practices that created what we didn’t want or like.

Quick Energy Work Techniques and Practices

In this context, "quick" has a double meaning. I mean that the energy work can create change quickly and that the practice of each technique is quick. There are many empowering practices that take longer and can also be valuable, like journaling, meditating, writing plans, and so many more that are also very effective.

Regardless of the time invested, most energetic techniques work best by repeatedly using them. There are exceptions, because more and more we are all accessing higher and higher levels of consciousness that do allow us to manifest in the twinkling of an eye. But do not be discouraged if you cannot manifest quickly … this time will come, if you practice now and regularly.

An Example

For example, recently I worked with a client who over-reacted when one of her colleagues asked her something. Her over-reaction resulted in some dissonance in the relationship. The interaction took place by email, one of the tools that facilitates both effective communication and equally as effective miscommunication.

My suggestion for her was simple, and quick. It’s also rather obvious, but the point is she hadn’t done it and I could read the energy well enough to know that it would have made a difference. My suggestion was: write the email and let it sit. The sitting does not need to be long, but some other activity that fully engaded her attention needed to be placed between the writing and the sending. And this activity needs to be free of ruminations about the situation.

The next step is to relax into a high intention (eg, promote understanding, be loving, open up communication) and imagine that she is reading the email as if she were the intended recipient. Edit, as needed, and send (or don’t send) or make a phone call if that is more in keeping with her intention). Even if she doesn’t change one word, her high-intention consciousness will be infused into the message.

Life is made up of little experiences like this. Standing all alone, it might seem rather insignificant. But always, we are creating our lives by our reactions to these little experiences.

After I made this suggestion to my client, she realized that she often over-reacts like that when she’s under stress. An additional reflection was that she spends more time cleaning up these messes than the time it would have taken her to do the suggested process.

Clearing Energy

I have a natural gift of being able to work with energy to clear energy fields and situations. I believe an even more important gift is to develop practical, accessible methods and to describe them so that individuals know how to change something in their lives.

Energy Work Sessions

I offer one-on-one sessions by telephone. Find information at Energy Work Sessions.

Energy Work for Manifesting TeleSeminar

I regularly offer a free TeleSeminar. Registration is required and telephone charges may apply. Skype access is available.

Here is the full information for registration.

If the Answer is Yes, what is the Question?

Many people have the belief that they are supposed to say "yes" to everything that comes their way. I personally think that can be very disempowering, as I’m a great believer in making choices consciously. By making up rules in advance, we are diminish our ability to discern.

To make a choice without knowing what you are choosing is not a wise approach. You cannot know everything. And you can make another choice later, so you are constantly making choices and changing directions.

How are questions asked?

Questions are being asked all the time, and in all different ways. Here’s an example … When an unpleasant image comes across a movie or television screen, do you say "yes" to it?

HINT: you are saying "yes (I want to see this image)" if you keep watching; you are saying "yes (I prefer to give my attention elsewhere)" if you change the channel or walk out of the theater.

Recently I began to watch a movie with a favorite actor which I had recorded. It seemed to be going down a path that would not be to my liking. After about two minutes, a gun came out and shot someone with effects in color. I deleted the movie. I said "yes" to taking other images and stories into my consciousness.

What is the question?

For the images that pass through the airwaves (radio, television, movies, Internet), the question to ask yourself is something like this, "Do I want this?" Or, "Do I want to watch this?" Or perhaps, "Is this pleasing to me?" The exact words don’t really matter, but these questions suggest the essence of what the particular media method is asking you, and you need to answer the question for yourself.

I like to say "A question well asked is half answered." So often when you take care with your language to ask a really good question, you get a more meaningful answer. Most well-formulated questions have more than a one-word answer.

However, in most of our comings and goings in life we are not faced with well-constructed questions that end with a question mark or an intonation that signals a question. Questions take all different forms.

When you give your attention to something, you ARE answering "yes." That is precisely what your attention means. Further subtext could be "More." Or "I’m interested." Or, "I’m listening/watching." Or, "I’m giving the gift of my energy."

When you give your attention to something, you say "yes" to it, welcoming the subject/object/thought into your energy field.

My encouragement is that you often ask yourself this very empowering question: What is the question?